Dorty Wee Shite - Chapter 1

1 - Dorty Wee Shite by Danny Graves

Danny Graves was one of the thousands of frustrated writers in the World. At the ripe old age of forty he had stories to tell, tales of his wild, mis-spent youth, which were now gradually becoming faded memories. As the world became smaller, with the growing acceptance of the world wide web, he found he could write some of them up in a blog. Then he discovered social networking sites, which not only gave him a forum to re-live some of his old tales, but also gave him the opportunity to discover some of the old friends he had lost contact with over the passing decades.

His anecdotes were, mostly quite disgusting, but written in a way which made them funnier and in some way unacceptably acceptable. As each anecdote came forth, somebody would comment on it saying how it had made them blow coffee through their nose, or spit all over their computer screen or accidentally do a bit of wee on their office chair - all because they had been laughing so much. These sort of comments gave Danny a wonderful feeling. He also got comments from the old friends. His tales brought back memories, prompting them to send messages such as:
“Oh God Dave, I remember that night like it was yesterday. Do you remember later that night we ended up in the Chinese restaurant?”
Which of course sent Danny’s mind racing back to another comic tale which he had forgotten himself. The whole cycle was like a perpetual motion engine, as each recollection spawned yet more, either from himself, or from one of his old mates.

Of course as things continued in this vain for some time, a couple of people, friends past, and people he had met on the net suggested that he ought to commit these rather unpleasant recollections to print, and write a book. Although the idea had some appeal, and something that Danny had contemplated in the past, it was not something he had ever seriously considered. He had no idea how to go about getting his ideas in front of a publisher, let alone have them accepted. The seed however had now been planted by somebody else, and not just one somebody, but several. As the idea was bandied around the website, more and more people agreed that a book would be a good idea.

So, for the first time in his life, Danny was giving very serious consideration to putting his memoirs out there for all to see. He had enough material to fill a book, that was for sure, but he had to come up with a name for it. Nothing seemed to fit. This was just such a weird collection of apparently random anecdotes, that no titles really grabbed him.
Then all of a sudden, whilst sitting on the toilet, where incidentally, so many brilliant ideas are formulated, but seldom credited as, it came to him. Partially because he was straining a little, but partially because of a memory he had of once being called it.

Many years ago at a party, he had dunked his dick into his own drink and said that it was to stop anybody else from wanting to steal his pint. A Scottish mate had been with him and commented.
“Och, yer a dorty wee shite!, which of course everybody at the time agreed with, and so the name stuck.

Dorty Wee Shite was born.

So excited was he by the prospect of putting this lot together under such a great banner that he had to let everybody know about his project. He posted his proposed title onto his blog, and straight away comments started coming in congratulating him on this fantastic idea.

Now, not only was Dorty Wee Shite born, it was unleashed.